Searching for G’D. By Rabbi Leib Tropper

The wisest of all men, שלמה המלך in his last ספר called קהלת writes והנפש לא תמלא , which means ” the soul will never be satiated”. This introduces the Jew to a desperate feeling which can never be resolved. We can distract ourselves from this reality but we can never change it . We can escape it but never confront it.

It resonates with what להבדיל Blaise Pascal wrote in his book Pensees ״ there is a G’D Shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created Thing״. But then again, it appears that King Solomon is declaring soul satisfaction out of human reach hence no reason to pursue the gratification of the soul .

Is that possible? Is that conceivable?

We are victims of “G’D search fatigue”. We beseech G’D with intense Prayer only to feel ignored. We are frustrated. We ask ourselves ,”Are we really Frum”? Where is my uncompromising belief in the infinite and endless blessings of Hashem?


Then we experience the euphoric moments when one becomes a parent. Belief In Hashem’s kindness becomes tangible . And the mercurial cycle of  feelings Of closeness and distance to and from Hashem  gains an uncomfortable intensity. At times of feeling ‘closeness’ we feel satiated. When cognizance of Hashem’s  Blessing is in full consciousness, my soul is satiated. When we feel that we are Experiencing Distance , we feel an authentic emptiness and meaninglessness. But perhaps that is exactly what מהר״ן of  Breslov  meant when he describes Judaism as a “process oriented religion not an achievement oriented religion״ 

The struggle mentioned above is the divine boxing ring where man and his Inner spiritual opponent hammer each other. The Great חזון איש זצ”ל writes In קובץ אגרות that נטול היצר הוא נטול הנשמה ” the absence of evil impulse is the  Absence of soul”.  The פסוק in tehillim is clear ,״ישמח לב מבקשי השם״ happy are the hearts Who seek Hashem….not those whose indefatigable effort found G’D , but ” those who SEEK G’D.”

The process of searching for Hashem endlessly is where we find our delitescent  felicity not necessarily in it’s discovery. A life preoccupied with Mitzvos, Torah and Torah kindness has the alchemic effect Of transforming a static soul into a dynamic spiritual force. It is that force that fills The vacuity of ephemeral existence, which today usually suffers from Plutomania. A new direction from above to experience a sacred life that illumines but also challenges , and feeling the numinous in life. That is the only ingredient for ‘satiating’ the soul.

– recorded and written by Ben Elazry

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